Oo
Oo

What's got four legs and goes "oo"?
A cow with no lips

Muesli
Muesli

Did you hear about the man who drowned while eating a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged under by a strong currant

Kermit
Kermit

What did Kermit say when he got to the top of the hill?
"A Muppet"

Mystery writers
Mystery writers

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a final unexpected twist

A chicken and an egg
A chicken and an egg

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed together. The chicken's lying back smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on it's face. The egg however is sitting up with a frown on its face and looking a tad put out. "Well," mutters the egg,
"I guess we answered that question"

Hazelnuts
Hazelnuts

What's got hazelnuts in every bite?
Squirrel poo

Hippopotamus in a tree
Hippopotamus in a tree

Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees?
Because they’re really good at it

Parrots
Parrots

Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and says
"Can you smell fish?"